wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
