i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
