Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
