If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
