good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
