She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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