I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
