I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
