so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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