my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
