As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
