If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
