you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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