So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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