Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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