i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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