So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
