Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
