so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
