WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
