You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
