is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
