I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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