Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
