I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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