whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
