hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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