we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
