Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Life is so much better after having sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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