I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
