You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i think my cat just said my name.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
