he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
