she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
