Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
