sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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