I met the friendliest cop last night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
