70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
