Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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