ya dads aren't the best wingmen
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im drinking this country out of the recession.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this just has baby written all over it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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