Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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