The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
