i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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