Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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