Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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