She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
