You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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