so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
