Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
