so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
