walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
