How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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