Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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