guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
