He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
